When your loved one is sick or disabled, you want the very best care for them. There is a debt of gratitude that you owe your parents. There is the commitment of “til death do us part” for your spouse. There is a responsibility owed for the children that you have brought into the world. However, for most of us, the motivation to take care of someone comes from our deep love for them and their well-being.

When my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and began treatments, I became a full-time caregiver. My role as a wife and homemaker was expanded to include nurse, travel agent, researcher, pharmacist, cheerleader, advocate, and business woman. I had to take on roles that were out of my comfort zone and knowledge base.

Fortunately, I had a good role model in my mother. When my father began a life long illness and disability in his mid-thirties, my mother became those things along with providing the primary income for our family. And while there were stressors put upon her that I could not have fully understood as a child, the one thing I did know, was how much my father was loved by her and how fiercely loyal and protective she was of him. Surgeries, hospital stays, doctor appointments, and physical limitations were a part of their lives until his death 35 years later.

As a caregiver, you:

• Research treatments, side effects, doctor credentials, and clinical trials.
• Make phone calls and send messages to providers, pharmacies, billing and insurance companies.
• Make appointments, drive to appointments, and wait endless hours during tests, appointments, and hospital visits.
• Become a patient advocate, pursuing second opinions when necessary.
• Pick up and give medications, fill pill boxes, set phone alarms to give medications at the right times day and night, bandage wounds, and learn life saving medical procedures.
• Become a travel agent, making airline reservations and finding rides to the airport.
• Get cold drinks, hot blankets, extra pillows, or anything else as you try to anticipate every want or need to make the patient more comfortable.
• Prepare any food that may “sound good” at the moment and will run to the grocery for anything they want.
• Keep up with housework, laundry, yard work, bill paying, and errands, some of which are not typically your responsibility.
• Help the patient with necessary physical care, even when it is difficult and unpleasant.
• Provide encouragement, optimism, and hope to keep your loved one’s spirits up.
• Write thank you notes for kindness shown by others.
• Listen to well meaning people offer unsolicited advice and treatment suggestions.
• Speak of the illness, treatment, and doctors in first person (“we” have an appointment with “our” doctor).
• Pray and trust the Lord more than you ever have before.

Yet, at the end of the day…

• You question if you have done enough or done things well enough.
• You wake up in the night and look across the bed, just to be sure your loved one is breathing. And when they are, give thanks to God for it.
• You mourn the loss of the innocent, carefree life enjoyed before illness came.
• You stroke their hair or kiss their forehead so that if someday they are not with you, there’s a memory of their smell and the feel of their skin.
• You happily take on new responsibilities, yet struggle to let the sick person keep their independence and dignity.
• You reach for a hug when passing through the kitchen, but choose to linger a long time so you can feel their arms around you.
• You may have never chosen to be in the role of caregiver, but if that is required, there is absolutely nowhere else you would ever choose to be.

I have been a caregiver and I see you. But much more importantly, God sees you and will not forget your good works.

“For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. (Hebrews 6:10)